A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer. The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings." The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer. The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings." The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar." The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings." The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer. The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs." The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs." Te bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate."
Two guys were at a bar arguing with their friend who was a midget. Sudden out of nowhere, the Pope walks into the bar! "Oh my god its the pope " they all say at once "the midget says to the guys 'That's it I'm going ask him." So he walks up to the Pope and asks "Sir, are there midget nuns in America?", "No, no, no." says the Pope "Are there midget nuns in the entire world?" "No, no, no." says the Pope "Are there even such things as midget nuns?" "No, no, no." says the Pope. His friends burst out chanting, "Joe screwed a penguin, Joe screwed a penguin..."
A man enters into a bar, and the waiter comes and asks him "What do you want to drink sir?" The customer points out to a guy laying on the floor and replies "Whatever that guy was drinking."
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Drinks for all on me. That is including you, bartender."
The bartender follows the man's order and says, "That will be $42.50 please."
The drunk says he has no money, and the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
The next night, the same drunk comes in and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again, the bartender follows the drunk's instructions and the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.
On the third night he comes in, the drunk orders drinks for everyone except the bartender.
The bartender says, "What, no drink for me?"
"Oh, no. You get violent when you drink."
