A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief.
"I can not believe how materialistic you lawyers are," the cop said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
"My God!" screamed the lawyer. "My Rolex!"
Q. Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A. Professional courtesy.
Q. Why is going to a meeting of the Bar Association like going into a bait shop?
A. Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches, maggots and night crawlers.
Q. What's the definition of a lawyer?
A. A mouth with a life support system.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. Watching your attorney drive over a cliff in your new car.
Q. Have you heard about the lawyers’ word processor?
A. No matter what font you select, everything comes out in fine print.
