Pedro was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
Looking up toward heaven, he said "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up tequila."
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Pedro looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."
A priest, scientist, an astronaut and a plumber were playing golf one day. To kill the time they started a conversation on natural occurrences. They chose to debate about wind. The scientist said that winds were the result of thermal convection. The astronaut said that they were made by the planet's rotation. The priest said that storms were god's way of cleansing the earth. The plumber only knew that the wind always blew when he played golf. They played through 17 holes, arguing furiously. Just as they teed up at the 18th, everything became calm. Amazingly, a giant hand came down through the clouds just inches above their heads. The astronaut and the scientist didn't see it because they didn't believe in the supernatural. The priest knelt down and prayed in fear. Only the plumber stood up. Suddenly a voice boomed down "If you want the answer, pull my finger". The plumber did, and a mighty wind blew.
Three guys die and go to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter says to them "whatever you do, don't step on a pink cloud". The first guy goes off wandering. when he comes back, he's accompanied by one of the ugliest women you've ever seen. "What happened to you?" asked the other two. "I stepped on a pink cloud" he replied. The second guy goes off wandering and comes back with an even uglier girl. "what happened to you" they asked. "I stepped on a pink cloud." The last guy goes off wandering and comes back with the most beautiful woman any of them have ever seen. "What happened" they asked. the woman responded "I stepped on a pink cloud".
One day, Sally visited her local church. She walked into the confessional and sat down. "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned!" The priest opened a latch and spoke, "tell me of your sins, and I shall cleanse your soul". "Well, last night, I visited my boyfriend, Harry. I went to his house. After a while, we went into his room... forgive me father" The priest sat quietly for a few seconds. "Hmm, then you shall sit in your room each night, and not talk to Harry."
"Oh, but Father, that's not all. After a while, he started to kiss me, and slowly crept his hands all over my body... forgive me father." Once again, the Priest paused, but this time for longer.
"When you sit in your room, you shall tie your hands behind your back."
"But Father, that's not all. After a while. he had taken off my clothes, leaving me naked on his bed... forgive me Father." Once again, the Priest sat quietly, this time moaning a bit. "Then he began to take his clothes off. He pulled out his 'equipment' and said that it was the only thing I had to do before I left his room... forgive me Father." The priest was now moaning and breathing heavily, saying "Don't stop!" "Well, Father. We had sex, and i am underage. what can i do to cleanse my soul?" The priest sat, thinking for many minutes. Finally, after thinking and finishing what he was doing, he answered. "I have just communed with God, the only way to cleanse yourself now is to do exactly the same thing with me, repeat the whole night!" Sally was very glad. "Oh Father, when must we do this deed?" "Now, Sally, here and Now, in my booth, for if we wait any longer, we cannot cleanse your soul."
After a long time, Sally left Father's booth. "Oh Father, that was better than last night! Oh Father!!!!"
The new minister's wife had a baby. The minister appealed to the congregation for a salary increase to cover the addition to the family. The congregation agreed that it was only fair, and approved it. When the next child arrived, the minister appealed and again the congregation approved the increase. Several years and five children later, the congregation was a bit upset over the increasing expenses. This turned into a rather loud meeting one night with the minister. Finally, the minister stood up and shouted "Having children is an Act of God!" An older man in the back stood and shouted back "So are rain and snow, but we wear rubbers for them!"
