JOKES,CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?

A. Hugh Grant.
Q. What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?
A. A microwave stops when you open the door.

Q. How does Michael Jackson know its time for bed?
A. When the big hand is on the little hand.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?
A. One is white, plastic and dangerous to young children, the other is a plastic bag.

Q. How did Helen Keller's mother punish her?
A. By rearranging the living-room furniture.
Q. What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well?
A. She screamed her hands off.
Q. Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A. So she can moan with the other.
Q. Why was Helen Keller's leg yellow?
A. Her dog was blind too.
Q. What did Helen Keller's parents do to punish her for swearing?
A. Washed her hands with soap.
Q. Why did Bill Clinton stop playing the saxophone?
A. He was too busy playing the hormonica.
Q. Do you know why Monica got a stain on her dress?
A. She didn't keep her mouth shut!
Q. What does Wal-Mart, Zellers and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. Boy's underwear half off.
Q. 100 Women Surveyed, "Would you have sex with Bill Clinton?"
A. 80% said not again.
Q. What's green and smells like Monica Lewinsky?
A. The pool table in the oval office.
Q. What does McDonald's and Michael Jackson have in common?
A. They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns.
Q. What does Bill Clinton and a country folk dancer have in common?
A. They both throw a ho down.
Q. Why did Bill Clinton name his new dog Buddy?
A. He couldn't bear to say "Come Spot... Come Spot!"

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What's the new game there playing in the White House?
A. Swallow the Leader
Q. Have you heard about Michael Jackson's new book?
A. It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing"
Q. What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson?
A. Get out of my sun!
Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Woody Allen?
A. Got two fives for a ten?
Q. How do Helen Keller's parents punish her?
A. By putting a plunger in the toilet.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What is the name of Helen Keller's dog?
A. Nyah, nyu, yuh, yah.
Q. What is forty feet long and has eight teeth?
A. The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.
Q. What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?
A. "Not according to Dad."
Q. What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Santa Claus?
A. Some people still believe in Santa Claus.
Q. What's the difference between Hillary and Bill?
A. Hillary doesn't get caught.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. Why didn't JFK Jr. and his wife have a shower before getting on the plane?
A. They figured they would wash up on shore!

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What do you get when you cross Raquel Welch with Santa Claus?
A. A thank you from Santa!

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What does Woody Allen call an unborn baby?
A. A blind date.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. Did you see Dolly Parton s new shoes?
A. Neither did she.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?
A. Michael's been able to have kids.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years?
A. Michael Jackson.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What's brown and half eaten?
A. The Queen Mothers Easter egg.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. Why does Michael Jackson arrange for private shopping?
A. So his guests won't be accompanied by guardians!

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What's the first problem the Michael's child will have in life?
A. Figuring out which parent is his mother.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. Did you hear about the latest JFK Jr. movie?

A. Its called Three Funerals and a Wedding.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
A. It's the little boy inside him.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. Why does Hillary always get on top?
A. Bill can only screw up.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What has four legs and no ears?
A. Mike Tyson's dog.

CELEBRITY JOKES

Sean Connery was interviewed by Michael Parkinson, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kyle said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place."

So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand." Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. Then Sean says, "Kylie, that was wonderful. But if you let me sleep for an hour, we can have the best sex yet. But again, hold my balls in your left hand, and my Dick in your right hand." Kylie is now used to the routine and complies. The results are mind blowing.

Once it's all over, and the cigarettes are lit, Kylie asks "Sean, tell me, does my holding your balls in my left hand and your dick in my right stimulate you while you're sleeping?" Sean replies, "No, but the last time I slept with a slut from Melbourne, she stole my wallet."

CELEBRITY JOKES

Superman is flying around one day and he's feeling kinda horny. So he finds Batman sitting on top of a building and drops down to ask him where the best place to get laid is. Batman proceeds to tell him that Wonder Woman is a great lay. Superman then tells him that he couldn't do that to her because they have been friends for too long and he flies away. Superman then sees Spider-man swinging around and flies next to him while he's swinging and asks him who the best piece of ass is. Spider-man tells him that he hears Wonder Woman is good and tells him to look her up. Disgruntled Superman takes to the air and flies about. He then notices Wonder Woman lying in a field naked and spread Eagle. He thinks I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I can be in and out of that so fast she'll never know what hit her. So, he flies down does his business and id 4 seconds he's back in the air flying away. Wonder Woman looks up and says "What was that?" Invisible Man says: "I don't know but my ass hurts!"

JOKES,CELEBRITY JOKES

CELEBRITY JOKES

Q. What makes Michael Jackson so unique?
A. It's the little boy inside him.

Q. How did Michael get in trouble?
A. He was feeling a little Randy.

Q. Why does Michael Jackson scream?
A. Because it hurts.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Neil Armstrong?
A. Neil walked the moon, Michael Jackson... fucked little boys.
Q. Did you hear about Michael Jackson's new band?
A. It's called the Jackson Five and Under.
Q. What did Saddam say when he came out of his hole?
A. Did I beat David Blaine?
Q. What did the woman tell Michael Jackson at the beach?
A. Get out of my son!
Q. Why does Michael Jackson like twenty six year olds?
A. Cause there's twenty of them.
Q. What does Michael Jackson and a Nintendo have in common?
A. They are both made of plastic and kids turn them on.

JOKES,CELEBRITY JOKES

CELEBRITY JOKES

Prince Charles was driving around his mother's estate when he accidentally ran over her favourite dog, a Corgi, crushing it to a pulp. He got out of his Range Rover and sat down on the grass totally distraught. The whole world was against him and now his mother would go ballistic.

Suddenly he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, polished it and immediately a genie appeared. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the genie. "As a reward I shall grant you one wish."

"Well," said the Prince, "I have all the material things I need, but let me show you this dog."

They walk over to the splattered remains of the dog. "Do you think you could bring this dog back to life for me?" the Prince asked.

The genie carefully looked at the remains and shook his head. "This body is too far gone for even me to bring it back to life. Is there something else you would like?"

The Prince thought for a minute, reached into his pocket and pulled out two photos. "I was married to this beautiful woman called Diana," said Prince Charles, showing the genie the first photo. "But now I love this woman called Camilla," and he showed the genie the second photo.

"You see Camilla isn't beautiful at all, so do you think you can make Camilla as beautiful as Diana?"

The genie studied the two photographs and after a few minutes said, "Let's have a look at that dog again."